


Smoke & Honey

by demonladys



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Body Horror, Demons, F/F, Homophobia, Misgendering, Surreal, Trans Female Character, Transformation, Transphobia, Vaguely Christian Theming, demonic transformation, we know the devil au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonladys/pseuds/demonladys
Summary: Sayo and Chisato meet the devil tonight.
Relationships: Hikawa Sayo/Shirasagi Chisato
Comments: 14
Kudos: 30





	Smoke & Honey

**Author's Note:**

> content warnings: body horror, intentional misgendering, existence of homophobia and transphobia, references to christianity

Leaves crackle beneath two pairs of feet and crinkle as they stick to the soles of their shoes. There’s a slight breeze but it’s hardly enough to nullify the scorching heat of a midsummer evening before dusk. There’s work to be done while there’s still daylight left, but every second is as dreadful as one could imagine.

If anyone belongs to hell, it’s Chisato Shirasagi. She’s the most gorgeous girl in school and a talented one at that. She was born for the camera and always gets picked as leading lady in the school plays. Her grades never slip and neither does her composure even under the heaviest pressure. Unmatched in looks and everywhere else, it’s no wonder she’s such a horrid bitch. Her smiles are all lies, she schemes behind your back, and she has to practice harder than anyone else to avoid fucking everything up all the time. Not to mention her weakness: she refuses to kiss a boy. Even on the stage, even with the most attractive boy on campus, she simply won’t. And the teachers know it.

If anyone belongs to hell, it’s Sayo Hikawa. He’s an honors student with a perfect attendance record, not to mention his no-nonsense attitude and his work on the student council. He’s stern with rulebreakers and won’t tolerate excuses, so all of his classmates know not to goof off or or get in trouble when he’s watching. Of course someone so strict with others would harbor humiliating secrets. It’s all just a farce on the verge of crumbling, just waiting until he gets caught doing something wrong. And that something couldn’t be anything other than disobeying hair length restrictions for boys. He’s going through some sort of phase right now and there’s no saving him from himself. And the rest of the student council knows it.

“This one,” Sayo says, placing his hand on the trunk of a thick wooden pole meant to mimic a tree.

“I’m impressed you can tell so easily.”

“I suppose I have to be good at something, even if that something is completely worthless.” Sayo places his hands on each side of the trunk and digs his feet into the indents of bark. It’s barely sturdy enough to hold one person up, but he manages to reach the point about halfway to the top. His feet start to slip while he feels for the hidden panel, but pressing on it creates a small opening for him to catch himself. 

For some kids, summer camp isn’t enough to break them. That is why boarding school exists. Kids are stuck year-round inside poorly maintenanced classrooms listening to teachers talk about jesus for eight hours a day. There’s no other way to teach them the right path unless they’re surrounded by examples of everything wrong, everything they should not be. And when you fuck up, they know they can push all the dirty work on you. Sayo and Chisato are this week’s examples.

The switch box inside is an amalgamation of machine and organism. The fake tree’s innards pulsate as if inhaling and exhaling in succession, stretched out over moments that feel unimaginably long. Messing with the switches is a little discomforting, but Sayo’s used to it by now.

“Are you alright up there?” Chisato calls out. “I don’t want you getting hurt.” It would actually be quite hilarious if he fell right now, but it’s not worth the step it’d take to accomplish. It’s best to remain at arm’s length and get through the night without any confrontation, lest anyone find out the truth about Chisato Shirasagi.

“I’m fine, but thank you,” Sayo says before shutting the mock tree’s hatch and returning to the surface. He hates himself too much to let others worry about his well-being or anything of the sort, so he wears the most unaffected expression he can think of.

They’re perfect for each other, some might say. And they’d be right. Bad kids who hate each other deserve every minute they have to spend getting on each other’s nerves and showing each other all the worst parts of themselves that not even their friends would want to see. When they fuck up badly enough, they get to spend quality time together in the woods behind the school. Extracurricular activities really are the best way to punish them. Otherwise, they’ll never learn to keep quiet and never learn to accept what’s on their plate.

Chisato hums as she walks along the unbeaten path. “Do you think it’s true?”

“What, that the devil lives inside the trees? Of course not.”

“Then what’s the point of shutting them down?”

“The teachers say it builds character. The other students say it’s to get us into a pattern so we don’t walk out of line. Personally, I’m more inclined to believe the latter.” Sayo’s hair length ends just above his neck, but the tips past the ears curl inward. He was forced to cut it when he got caught, but he found a loophole to keep it satisfactory. That didn’t go over well with his peers, who ratted him out the very instant they could. He knows what he’s doing, so he has to understand the consequences.

“The devil walks among us. The only way to keep him out is by giving us something to do so that we never think about it.” Chisato made sure to put on an obnoxious extra layer of makeup just to get the effect of everything smearing everywhere. Eyeshadow spreads into dark circles like storm clouds around her eyes, and lipstick drips away like blood leaking from her mouth. There’s something so satisfying about ruining yourself when you’re the prettiest girl in school. Even more so when you can force the other bad kid to bear witness. She’s so ugly right now, it’s perfect.

* * *

Daylight is fading much quicker than expected, forcing Sayo and Chisato to jog through the woods without looking where they’re going. The insects watch from afar and chirp in amusement, much like Chisato would if this were any other situation.

“Urgh!” Sayo tumbles to the ground.

“Sayo, are you okay?” She reaches one hand out to help him up. Sayo brushes the dirt off his pants, getting smudges of mud all over his fingertips and flinching in repulsion.

“I’m fine. I just didn’t see that root sticking out. The sun got in my eye. Owww.” 

“You sprained it.”

“No, I- hurk!”

“It’s all over your face.” How annoying. Can’t he just go five seconds without getting himself injured and forcing Chisato to take responsibility? He’s lucky Chisato is the worst and forces herself to take responsibility for others even when she doesn’t really care about them. “Just let me handle the next one. We’re almost done here.”

There’s the faintest sliver of a teardrop forming at the corner of his left eye. Chisato wonders to herself if he’s really crying over something so minor, but a quick snap and the teardrop is gone, replaced with a speckle of stardust caught just above his cheek. “It’s so bright today…” he complains, blinded by everything and nothing at once. Then like a flicker, it vanishes alongside Chisato’s train of thought and any memory of whatever was annoying her just before this.

“Here, just…” Chisato pulls Sayo’s arm around her shoulder and helps him stand upright. It’s like a three-legged relay race, navigating around like this. Sayo’s surprisingly lightweight, using enough strength to not burden Chisato too much, though the height difference between them forces his injured foot to drag along from behind. His hand grazes against the back of her upper arm on accident and she finds his fingers are surprisingly brittle.

“Thank you,” Sayo says.

“Don’t thank me. If I don’t get you to the cabin in one piece before sundown, we’ll surely never find our way back to campus.”

“True enough. Unless you’re adept at surviving the wilderness.”

“Not particularly.”

“I thought not.” Sayo speaks again with the slightest ire in his voice, “Not that our destination will be comfortable by any means. I cannot imagine you’re the sort of girl who enjoys staying overnight in a sorry excuse for a shack.”

That ire carries over to Chisato, who can feel an impulse taking over the proper lady on the surface. “And what sort of girl do you imagine me as, Sayo?” Chisato brings her face closer to Sayo’s, shooting a sly gaze his way. This isn’t good, she’s starting to lose her cool. And when Chisato loses her cool, the thing inside rears its ugly head.

“That’s…” Sayo’s expression becomes sheer terror and he begins choking halfway through his thought and ends up spitting into the dirt beneath them. “I didn’t mean it like that. I suppose I’m just thinking about my sister.”

“Hina Hikawa. I’m familiar with her. She’s certainly an oddball.”

“She’s the sort who can find fun in anything. If the school sent her out here as punishment, she’d probably build a palace out of sticks she found on the ground and never even set foot inside the cabin. She might even forget this was supposed to teach her a lesson.”

Chisato gives a bemused chuckle in reply before pulling her face away. “You’re pretty odd yourself. I thought boys liked roughing it in the wilderness.”

“Do they?” For some reason, she notices Sayo shooting a bitter glance her way.

“You would know, right?”

“I suppose so. Ah, over there,” Sayo points to a tree with bark that looks slightly off-color, paint peeling away from the trunk like paper.

“Right.” Chisato lets Sayo down gently and finds a nice spot beside an actual tree for him to rest his ankle, before taking the task of climbing to the switch box into her own hands. “Fitting in is just a matter of following the rules, isn’t it? I thought you’d have all of them memorized, considering you were on the student council.”

“I know them by name, but I can only recite them. I don’t actually know how to follow them, so now I’m here.”

“You’re weird for a boy.”

“Thanks. You aren’t the first to mention it.”

‘Thanks’? Chisato raises her eyebrows when she flicks the last switch into place and shuts the box back up. “Is that why they sent you to this place? The school, that is.”

“At first I thought they just sent me because it’s easier than sending Hina alone. But I’m not sure. Perhaps I’m the reason Hina is here. Perhaps we’re both bad kids and both deserve to be here and I’m just bad enough that I got caught.” Sayo leans back against the tree’s living roots. His head rests gently against the base and Chisato disappears from view. “Apologies. That might not have made sense.”

“I understand.” From nowhere, Chisato reappears in front of Sayo and her voice is a jolt of lightning that springs him up to his feet. “That should be the last one.”

* * *

There’s a creek not too far from the cabin where the water is much cleaner than the stuff back at school. They say the water in heaven is even more pure, but humans are cursed to drink sludge and whisky until their bodies can’t handle it anymore. The sound of rolling water echoes through the surrounding area and the stream’s chill is the best Sayo can manage to substitute for an ice pack. Not the worst choice, but not ideal.

“Ah…” He sighs, allowing his toes to sink into the gravel beneath. He glances to the dusk sky with a wistful hum.

“We’re lucky you knew about this. Have you been out here for student council work?” Chisato sits barefoot at his side, dipping her own feet to soak in the stream.

“No. I actually stumbled upon it during one of our outdoor education weekend trips.”

“Ah, those. I’ve never been on one myself. My advisor and my father both believed it would be unnecessary. Because obviously I would die if I got a single speck of dirt on my skin.”

“You’re not missing much,” Sayo says. 

Once a year the students are sent out into the wilderness just like this, but everyone stays in groups and the teachers follow you around and tell you to call them by their first names because for three days the title is “counselor,” not “teacher.” Camping with his classmates is the least enjoyable activity Sayo could imagine being forced to do in the backyard of their school, and it’s only made worse by the presence of adults who pretend they’re having the time of their lives.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Chisato says.

“We’re supposed to believe we have more freedom since we aren’t confined to the school’s walls, but there’s always eyes on us. The teachers are watching and so are our classmates. Tents are even worse than shared dorms because we’re cramped together like an overstuffed shoebox.”

Eyes, always on them. Everywhere. From between the trees, perched upon the branches. Staring back from beneath the water’s surface. Each other’s eyes, meeting for just a moment. Eyes are everywhere, and they both know it. Chisato especially -- to be the only one lit in a sea of shadows, eyes peeking from the crowd. It’s so incriminating. Here at boarding school, here in the woods, there is no moment where there is not another to judge.

Chisato’s feet settle deeper into the water. The sediment massages them in the most discomforting manner. It’s kind of nice. “That doesn’t sound too different from drama club. Sometimes there will be overnight boot camps in the auditorium when a production isn’t going perfectly. We’re there to judge each other and hate each other for every second of it because none of us are allowed to leave until we all do our jobs correctly. The adults are watching the whole time. Usually someone faints before dawn and we have no choice but to take care of them.”

“...” Sayo grabs hold of his own knees and buries his head into his arms. “Was there a point to any of it?”

“Hm?”

“The student council… I don’t know. I’m such a hypocrite.”

“In that case, why did you join them?” Chisato asks.

“I thought helping them would show me how to be good. But I don’t think anyone who joins the student council is really good, actually. It’s like we’re trying to avoid getting in trouble by being the ones to enforce the rules.” He recalls how quick his peers were to turn on him the minute he got caught. It’s a self-cannibalizing monstrosity, yet that’s the entire point. It’s not about winning -- it’s about not being the one to lose.

“I suppose there’s no other outcome at a school for bad kids.”

“Yeah…”

The dusk sun descends past the trees and the owls’ eyes creep closer. It’s something scratching their skin, biting away, peeling every inch of privacy away. There’s a reason they’re sent to the cabin in pairs -- the punishment won’t be as humiliating without someone else there to watch. To judge. To reject. To learn from the other’s mistakes. That’s the only way the worst of the worst can truly make themselves useful, after all.

* * *

They arrive at the cabin which is covered in horrifying spray paint of indescribable creatures and human faces morphed beyond recognition. The door knob is both loose and jammed, requiring a very specific amount of force to actually open without breaking the whole thing off, an amount so precise that no human should be able to budge it but somehow it gives Chisato and Sayo no trouble. One of the perks of being the worst, they suppose.

The exterior is shoddy enough, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the interior. There’s moss growing on the walls, and probably asbestos, but they hope not because that would be much more dangerous than the devil showing up and they value their lives at least a little bit more than anyone else would expect. There’s running water and working electricity and neither of these things should be possible but they are, and this will either burn the house down or flood it to the brim by the end of the night, they imagine. It smells like toxic waste embedded within rotting wood.

“This is far worse than I had imagined,” Chisato says.

“My apologies.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s perfect. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

By now Sayo has figured out that not every word from Chisato’s mouth is sincere, but it’s not sarcastic either. It’s a different sort of language and somehow he’s starting to learn to translate it into something tangible he can understand. Which is the last thing he was hoping to learn from tonight’s remedial lesson. Terrible.

“Here, this will help,” Chisato says, clutching a bundle of incense sticks she had stored in the outer pocket of her bag. “Got a lighter?”

“Ah, let me see that.” Sayo outstretches his hand and Chisato places one stick upon his palm. Carefully, he pinches the thick end of the stick and rubs his thumb and index finger on the wood. It takes a minute of concentration, but once that minute is up, Sayo pulls his hand away from the now lit flame of incense. The dry fragrance of sandalwood spills through the room, making the interior just a little bit more bearable.

Chisato stands with her eyes wide open, mouth agape. “That’s a devil’s trick. Where did you learn that?”

“Anyone can do it, right? Hina does it better than me.”

“It doesn’t matter if we can do it. We shouldn’t.”

Sayo hands the incense stick off to Chisato, being delicate so as not to accidentally burn her in the process. “I know I shouldn’t, but it’s as I said. I’m incapable of not doing terrible things.”

“You don’t have to do it though. You can just pretend, can’t you?” Chisato is growing more irked as this conversation continues, and she can feel the costume start to slip off.

“Pretend?” Sayo tilts his head quizzically.

“Make up a character who isn’t terrible and pretend to be him. You’ll get much further that way.”

“What if I can’t be him, though?”

“You don’t have to become him, it’s just acting. Everyone does it.”

“Ah. So you do it too, Chisato?”

Her eyes narrow in on him as he’s off in the corner setting his belongings on the floor. She’s gotten in much deeper than she had hoped, and it’s starting to break free of its shell. She wants to disappear more than anything right now. And for just a moment, she does. All thoughts, all matter, everything becomes nothing in the blink of an eye. And nothing reverts to everything in another blink.

“Obviously. You do realize I’m an actress, yes?”

“It… may have slipped my mind.” He can try to cover his mouth, but Chisato saw the briefest glimpse of that irritated pouting on his lips. She’s growing to hate him even more by the second, yet she can’t deny she’s taken interest in his peculiar behaviors, the bitter glances he sneaks in without even realizing.

“If you can’t manage it, you could just stay the same, too. You’re obedient enough as it is. All you need is to follow the right person.”

“Should I follow you, then?”

“Oh dear. I’m the worst person you could pick.” It’s a comment Chisato doesn’t even mean to make, but her control of the situation has started to slip. On the bright side, Sayo doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too distracted by something else. A shining light from all sides, every corner. For a mere instant, it’s all his vision can find. 

* * *

“What now?” Sayo asks, flipping through his syllabus for an answer and finding nothing of note.

“We wait.”

“Okay. Shall we talk about something?”

“Ah, have you decided you want to be friends after all?” Chisato tosses her bag aside and burrows into a corner near the wall. It’s amazing how she’s so small, but manages to seem so big in comparison to everyone else around her. “But yes. Why don’t you ask me something?”

“Favorite flower?” he asks.

“Think bigger. Something personal.”

“You hate me. Why would you answer a personal question?”

Chisato wears a playful grin on her face. “Because no one else will ever have to know. No one would believe I told you if you tried to spread a rumor, anyway. But you wouldn’t, because you’re a good boy. Kind of like a puppy.”

“...Okay. Do you like girls?” he asks.

“Oh, this puppy bites.”

“So you do.”

“It’s not like you’re the first to guess. When the leading lady in Romeo and Juliet won’t kiss the leading man’s dorito-stained lips in the climactic scene, there’s no other conclusion to draw, right? Chisato Shirasagi is the most gorgeous girl that every boy wants but no boy can have and she’s going to super hell no matter what she does in life. Because she was cursed to be a man-hating lesbian.”

Sayo remains silent. He can’t muster any coherent thoughts in response, but something about it sparks a glimmer in his eye.

“But as I said, I’m an actress. I can play that woman who isn’t me and get through life. I’ll marry unhappily so that nobody asks questions, I’ll return to stardom as a full-fledged actress and spend every day wishing I was dead. Then I’ll cheat and cheat and cheat with women until I’m eternally punished for my crimes against a man I never cared about.”

An overhead lamp swings like a pendulum at the sound of Chisato’s ranting. The sparks from it overwhelm Sayo and it’s as if he’s no longer in this world for a moment, being torn away from this place in time…

“My turn. What is your deal?”

...until he’s brought back. He shakes his head and tries to look Chisato in the eye, but his mind is a little foggy at this point. Pages flap within the syllabus and he tries to open it but Chisato is suddenly right in front of him, clasping both of her hands around it, keeping it shut.

“You won’t find your answer in there.”

Sayo takes one glance at Chisato, then the syllabus again, then back at Chisato. “You’re correct. There’s a reason I was kicked off the student council and there’s a reason I’m here with you.”

“And if you open up that syllabus…”

“And if I look inside it’s going to tell me what I want to hear.”

“Good. You’re learning.”

A strange sensation worms its way into his stomach. He tries to push it back in and ignore it, but human hands can only do so much. “I had figured you were bad, considering you ended up in the cabin. But… I hadn’t realized the extent of it.”

“This is how I am when no one else is watching. No one who matters, at least.”

“The devil is watching.”

“And so is god, but I don’t seem to care, do I?”

“You’re really certain of everything you said before…”

“I am. Now answer the question.” Chisato removes her hands from the syllabus, prompting Sayo to set it aside.

Sayo takes a deep breath in, then exhales, decompressing all the tension in his shoulders. “I wish I knew. I know I’m jealous of my sister, but...”

“You grew your hair out. That’s not just a rockstar thing, is it?”

“I don’t even own a guitar. Maybe in another lifetime, where I’m good at something more interesting than switch boxes.”

Chisato places a finger over her lip and stares into Sayo. She scans every piece of him before her and tries to ascertain _something._ This must be what it’s like for a biologist to discover a brand new species, but so much more infuriating. Until an answer comes to her in the form of another curious glance from Sayo, one brimming with something so peculiar for him. Raw, unfiltered envy. “Could it be that it’s not just Hina you’re jealous of?”

“I’m not sure what you mean. I’m jealous of people who know how to do things without fucking up. Like not getting in trouble.”

“More specific. You’re not jealous of just anyone.”

Sayo blinks and clutches his forehead with one hand. He can tell there’s something he’s not getting, and whatever it is hurts like hell.

Chisato sighs in frustration and pushes past Sayo, placing one hand on the wall and cornering him between herself and the cabin’s flimsy structure “Sayo. Do you want to wear my skirt?” 

Sayo’s face turns bright red, his eyes shut tight. “W-what are you talking about?”

“I packed an extra just in case. Here, take it.” Chisato runs to her bag in the other corner and tosses the wrinkled up skirt, which lands on Sayo’s lap. He’s not sure what to do with it, but Chisato is quick to shove him into a closet at the back of the room so he can change. 

After a few minutes of shuffling and squirming, Sayo emerges with his slacks replaced by the skirt around his waist and a look of dismay in his eyes. 

“It’s a good look for you.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying. You’re cute.”

Sayo’s brain feels so foggy and yet somehow completely empty and he’s absolutely not expecting it when Chisato proceeds to place her arms around his shoulders and lift herself with her tip-toes, leaning close.

A flash of red forms across Sayo’s cheeks and he’s frozen in place. He can feel Chisato’s breath brushing against his face.

“I--”

“Mm.”

“M-mmmm…”

“Shhh…” Chisato’s lips remain pressed against Sayo’s even as she shushes him.

“...Mm.”

“I did kiss him, by the way. And it was much worse. You kiss like a girl.”

Sayo is dumbstruck, staring deep into Chisato’s eyes. There’s lipstick on his lips for the first time in his life and he’s not sure how to even begin to process any of it. “There’s a difference?”

“Boys always kiss in this smug, overconfident way where they think they know what they’re doing with zero experience. They don’t. It doesn’t feel good. But your lips felt good.”

Sayo looks down on his own hand. It’s the exact same, but something about it feels different. He clutches it to his forehead on instinct when a massive headache appears and everything becomes a white light for just a moment. “I can’t see like this.”

* * *

Hours pass, and the stain of lipstick is still present on Sayo’s mouth. He presses on finger against it, gaining a smudge of crimson on his fingertip. Sometimes syllables form on his tongue and Chisato will listen intently, but Sayo’s words remain incoherent. Chisato has noticed that the envious glances haven’t stopped at all; in fact they’ve only gotten more frequent. She’s used to it from other girls, but a boy shouldn’t be looking at her that way. It just doesn’t make sense, even for a crossdresser. The cabin’s rotting wood starts to seem even more flimsy as time passes, and they’re certain this shack is on its last leg.

“Let’s change the subject. How about more questions?” Chisato says.

“I am not prepared for more personal questions.”

“I’ll tone it down this time. Do you have any friends?”

“How do you define friends?” Sayo asks.

“Well, I would define you as my friend.”

“Even though you hate me?”

Chisato smiles with bliss and it’s the first time Sayo’s been able to read her lips and match it to an emotion all evening. “There’s no rule that says I can’t be friends with someone I hate.”

“I guess that makes one friend. There’s a few others, I think. Not from the student council. There’s a girl who I talk to in the cafeteria sometimes during lunch. I was surprised she approached me, but she’s actually very kindhearted and never judges me like the others do. She always offers me an extra cookie from the lunch line, too.”

“She sounds like a sweetheart.”

Sayo’s lips become a jagged line and he remarks, “Unlike you.”

“Yes, yes. Unlike me. I’m the most horrible bitch to ever walk this earth.”

“I didn’t say that much,” Sayo says.

“But it’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it?” Chisato asks.

“I was thinking that people like Tsugumi usually wear their emotions on their sleeve and express their feelings directly. Everything about you is like an ancient riddle that doesn’t want to be solved.”

Chisato sneers, snorting under her breath. “You’re right, I don’t want to be solved.”

“What does it take to understand another person?” Sayo asks.

“Do you think you understand me, Sayo?”

“I understand that you hate being the most respected girl in school.”

“You really need to learn when to not answer.” Chisato’s image fades for a moment, replaced with a silhouette in her shape. Sayo rubs his eyes to make sure he’s not imagining it, and by the time he pulls his hands away Chisato is there again and neither holds any recollection of the seconds between.

“There’s also these girls at choir practice who sit near me. I think they’re best friends, but I somehow got roped into their group and now one of them brings me pastries once a week.”

“You’re lucky, Sayo. People love to give you snacks merely for existing.”

“Am I?”

“I’m Sayo Hikawa and I’m lucky lucky lucky,” Chisato says in a deadpan impersonation. “How was that?”

“I do wonder why you’re praised for your acting skills. What about you? Do you have any friends?”

Chisato thinks for a moment and remembers all of those she’s already hurt, and those she’s bound to hurt in a matter of time. Poor Kanon, and poor Aya. “No. Nobody deserves to have to deal with that.”

“Except for me, your only friend.”

“That’s right. You’re terrible too, so we’re stuck with each other.” Chisato pulls a hand mirror from her bag and takes a long look at her own face. She’s so hideously beautiful, and hates that beauty more than anything. “Sayo. You wish you were me, don’t you?”

“I wish I was anybody but myself. I suppose that would include you.”

His words are like a knife piercing through skin, leaving an open wound behind.

Sayo leans against his belongings and stares up at the ceiling, focusing on the overhead lamp swinging through the air. “We are not doing a very good job learning our lesson. Or whatever this is supposed to be.”

“In fact, you’ve done so poorly that the devil might just take one look at us and turn around.” Chisato says.

“Don’t joke about that. It might give me hope.”

“Can you really go back after this?” Chisato asks.

“What choice do we have, Chisato? One of us has to be the devil for a little bit and then we supposedly learn our lesson and go back to campus and pretend we didn’t learn anything about ourselves and each other and never speak a word of this to anyone.” Sayo rises to his feet and kicks at the floorboards. “If anything, maybe I’ll just make a horrible life plan like yours.”

“If you’re not going to do anything about it, I suppose I could marry you.”

“...That’s a cruel joke.” There’s an aching in Sayo’s chest as he speaks.

“I know. But you can’t deny you were thinking about it too.”

“I was. I wish I wasn’t, but...“

“We’re bad kids, Sayo. We can’t help ourselves.” Chisato allows a bittersweet smirk to escape her lips.

“The worst there are.” Sayo’s lips answer back, with his own kind of smirk in the flavor of dried ice.

* * *

Neither of them is quite sure how their legs became tangled like this or why their lips are so tired but won’t stop kissing like it’s the end of the world. It was probably somewhere when Sayo made a rude remark and Chisato said something to the effect of “What, do you want to kiss about it?” They couldn’t help themselves. It must be 3AM by now.

The sirens sound and blast through the cabin, overrunning their ears and shocking them so hard that they split apart in an instant, keeping only their hands linked together before those break apart as well. The emptiness in their grasps is so apparent, like a dismembered wrist vanishing into dust.

“I recognize that sound,” Sayo says, grabbing hold of his bag and slinging it around his shoulders. “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep so I pretend. And there’s this faint blaring sound in the distance from our dorms.”

Chisato can barely make out the words but manages to read his lips while she’s got her ears covered with both hands. “Can we please shut it off? Or do you want to torture me for longer?”

“It’s god. He’s speaking,” Sayo says.

“I don’t care if it’s god or the devil. I don’t want to hear another word.”

With much less care than they entered with, Sayo and Chisato shove the front door away and jog to the back of the house. The whole world around them is dark as the void and Sayo’s flashlight is but a flicker in the shadow. Chisato blends right in with it, her hands feel for the breaker box and pry it open with ease as if that’s what she was born to do. Sayo shines a light over the switches. The two of them take turns flicking each switch, pulling each lever and turning the dials down to zero until there’s only one left for each of them. Sayo’s fingers hover over his, gently nudging it while awaiting the go-ahead from Chisato. Chisato has her entire palm over her’s, preparing to put all the strength in her arm into it.

“On three?” Sayo asks.

“And suffer three more seconds of that wretched sound? No. Just do it.”

The final two switches click into place and the siren dies down, prompting pages flapping inside their bags with the same intensity. It’s deafening on its own, and the syllabi land on the dirt at their feet, opening to a page with the words engraved like an accursed melody, a spell from ancient heretics.

 _She is but nothing, and all returns to her in defiance of its creator._ _  
_ _To hide from the lord in one’s shadow, she will only find an imitation of his graces._

Sayo and Chisato’s eyes meet and can’t escape from one another. The words are missing from their mouths, but they can feel it as if they know what the other is thinking.

It’s one of us.

If it’s not you, it’s me.

I’m so sorry.

If it’s not me, it’s you.

What will we do?

What can we do?

Neither has an answer. That is the fate of those who walk out of line -- bad kids will always be bad, the best they can manage is to fake it. Heaven may take pity on those who can fake it well enough. Either way you’re stuck inside an endless prisoner’s dilemma. The only way is to sell the other out and hope you’ve earned enough points by the time it’s over, hope you haven’t been backstabbed already.

* * *

They’ve been standing there for fifteen minutes before either has the courage to move. 

It’s Chisato to make that move, kicking at the dirt and spraying soil across the pages of her syllabus. Their pitch black surroundings grow even more dim by the second, and Sayo loses sight of the girl beside him.

“Chisato?!”

“Sorry, Sayo. I couldn’t take any chances.”

“You don’t have to do this for me.”

“Shut up.” Chisato’s voice is the air. It’s everywhere at once, a surround system made from nothing. Her whispers overwhelm all who enter her grasp, and Sayo is right in the center.

“Please, I’ll just go back and pretend none of this ever happened.”

“ **I said shut up, Sayo!”**

The wind starts to swirl and encircle Sayo and everything around him, lifting his feet off the ground and creating a gust so strong that it tosses him through the skies like a pillow. Chisato’s voice grows louder with each syllable, more commanding than ever before, without any guise of who she pretends to be, who anyone else wants her to be.

**“I hate it here. I hate this school so fucking much. I hate that you spend so much of your time sucking up to people who will never care about you and I hate that I do it too.”**

Sayo tries to grab hold of something and finds a wire sticking out from the cabin’s roof. The flimsy structure beneath his feet will surely give out if he stays for too long.

 **“I hate your envy. I hate the look in your eyes when you see my face and my hair and my body because you wish you were me and I hate that I can’t give it to you. I never fucking asked to be Chisato Shirasagi.”**

Tendrils of shadow emerge from the massive body of black that envelopes Sayo. They slip around his neck and massage his skin, gently at first. Then their grip tightens, and he can feel his breaths getting shorter and more constrained. Another pair of tendrils appear before him and at the end is an image in the shape of Chisato Shirasagi, her face cracked apart like broken glass, parts of her cheek jagged and missing. There’s breaks and divides in her arms and shoulders. She’s more like a puppet of porcelain than she is a person.

**“You might be able to pretend, Sayo. You might tell yourself you can forget about tonight and forget about you being a girl and me being a lesbian.”**

Sayo’s neck begins to feel numb. He tries to wiggle away, but more tendrils rise to keep him locked in her grasp.

**“But I can’t. Do you know why I’m so pretty?”**

Chisato places one hand on Sayo’s chin and forces him to look her in the eye. 

**“Because the hideous thing that I am is buried inside. I can put a hundred layers of foundation on the person people think I am. And they’ll never see the monster within.”**

Her grip tightens around Sayo’s throat. Sayo reaches up as he begins to choke, desperately clawing at the tendrils to tear them away but to no avail.

**“So I can never forget about this. You’ll be forever burned into my memory as another poor victim of mine. Because the thing inside of me?”**

Sayo kicks and squirms but Chisato won’t release her grasp on his neck, wringing every last breath from his sorry excuse for a body.

**“She’s only capable of one thing. And that’s hurting.”**

Sayo curls his fingers into a fist and with the last bit of strength remaining, swings his arm forward landing a clean hit on Chisato’s chest. More glass breaks away and blood drips from his hand. The shards stick into his fingers as solidified shadows, corrupting the blood as it pours out from beneath his skin. For just one moment, Chisato’s hold breaks and his body falls onto the roof. It bounces like a doll off a trampoline, and crashes into the dirt where he once stood below. 

Chisato is a storm of shade, a creature so magnificent, so terrifying that it cannot be contained within one woman’s broken heart. A gale sweeps through the forest at her command and brushes everything away, surely toppling that pathetic cabin into dust. Every word she refused to say is a tornado rampaging within. She is an abyss that swallows all, an insatiable vacuum that draws close the evil and ugly alike. Nobody can escape her reach. Nobody except Sayo.

Sayo rises to his feet and regains his senses, immediately noticing the syllabus at his feet. He reaches into the dirt and takes hold of it, raising it close to his chest. He opens to the very first page, and rests his fingers over the paper. A spark flickers, and brings light to the deepest part of the woods for a fraction of an instant.

**“Go ahead. It’s not like you have a choice.”**

Sayo knows what he’s supposed to do. He’s supposed to accept god’s will and toss it into Chisato. With that light leaking from the pages converging at the central point of this storm, the devil will be destroyed. And the thought does cross his mind at first. But he hates it. He hates that thought so much that it makes him want to tear every page out with his own hand. He grabs a cluster of pages and pulls.

They tear so easily. From their bindings, they rip away and flap in the wind and scatter into the void surrounding Sayo. He grabs another clump, and keeps ripping pieces apart. “It’s not fair.”

**“What are you doing?”**

“It’s not fucking fair!” Sayo screams from the bottom of his heart as he relentlessly pulls page by page from god’s notebook and tosses it aside, stomping on it, rubbing it into the earth beneath with all the frustration within his fragile body. “I didn’t know how much I hated being this. How much I hated what I am and what I look like.” He chucks the syllabus cover, now emptied of all its pages, into the abyss. Rather than the powerful light meant to overwhelm Chisato and destroy the devil within and without, it vanishes into the void with the rest of Sayo’s chances at redemption in the eyes of god. The poor fool.

Sayo reaches his right hand out, and another tendril emerges to wrap itself around his wrist. But before it can suffocate him again, he grabs hold of it. “Why can’t I have what you have? You’re not the only monster here. Do you know how long I’ve spent lying to myself?”

 **“Sayo…”** She can’t bring herself to fight back. Sayo’s hand begins to glow a luminous blue.

“You’re not the only one who fucking hates herself, Chisato. You’re not the only one who hurts those she cares about and carries that hurt with her everywhere she goes.”

Chisato tries to pull back, tries to free her tendril from Sayo’s grasp. The skin around Sayo’s hand unravels and unfurls, sloughing away and burning into ash as it touches the ground beneath. (She)’s so beautiful. It’s ethereal, and burning at the tips like a candle. Its warmth is gentle, subdued, but fueled by a fiery passion from deep within (her).

“I won’t let you keep this all for yourself,” (she) says.

**“You aren’t supposed to do this.”**

“I don’t care. I don’t care about the student council or teachers or what my parents think. My sister wouldn’t care either, so why should I?”

**“You were supposed to destroy me. Stomp out this bliss.”**

“Do you really want that, Chisato?”

**“No. I’ve become drunk on it. It’s all your fault.”**

Sayo raises (her) other hand. The part of (her) that’s still human, the part (she)’s ready to rid (her)self of for as long as (she) lives, for as long as (she) remains Sayo. (She) smirks at the silhouette in the shape of Chisato. “Then show me what you really want.”

Chisato has always hated being told what to do. She’s spent her whole life being directed by the whims of others and doing everything she can to find rare openings for defiance to take full advantage of them. Yet here, she feels no resistance toward Sayo’s command. Really, it’s a favor for herself.

**“Very well. Because you asked so nicely, and because you’re so cute.”**

Gently, strings of shadow coil around Sayo’s fingers until they form a hand. Chisato’s lips can hardly be called lips anymore, but what remains in the umbra of her face press themselves against Sayo. It’s like before, but magical. Just as her fingers create indents in Sayo’s skin, that skin becomes openings of bright azure light that illuminates her outline. Every last inch of skin folds itself into the palm of her hand, coming undone like a ball of yarn. It peels from the seams with ease, as if it wants to disappear as much as she wants it gone. Their lips part, and what was once Sayo is no longer Sayo.

Or rather, she is more Sayo than she has ever been before.

She is the moonlight. A full moon, a celestial body on the earth’s surface. Her hair is long, wavy, tangled into threads of astral silk that burn at the tips. But it doesn’t hurt. It’s so comforting. Chisato strokes her hand through the light of Sayo Hikawa’s hair and the warmth is so pleasant, she could cry. What are teardrops to a devil, anyway? Smoke in the shape of water, or wind in the shape of love. At her waist something like a long dress flows down to where her legs once were and she can float above while it sways in Chisato’s breeze. She presses another hand against Sayo’s cheek and ripples flow all throughout the light’s living form.

When Sayo’s eyes gaze up at Chisato, there’s such certainty in the joy they express. Her tears are stains of light that stick to the leaves like droplets of dew, glowing and glistening when the sun arises. Angelic wings sprout from her back, a flower tasting daylight for the first time. It’s not only one or two, but a hundred tiny feathers dancing with a flame at the tip of each.

Chisato answers back, metamorphosis of her own. The glass puppet is no longer her -- she is the shadows herself, the darkest crater on the new moon’s surface, untouched by the sunlight. None may see more of her than a shape, a silhouette in the air. The doll shatters beneath the weight of her wind, atop the earth that no longer binds her. Each shard becomes a reflective surface, though light cannot capture Chisato Shirasagi. The figure of shadow binds itself around Sayo’s light.

They can go anywhere, be anything they want. They’re all they need now. No rules to govern the love they feel for themselves, the fondness they feel for each other.

* * *

(Sayo and Chisato float at the edge of the creek. It’s been mere hours since they escaped, and it’s so relaxing to gaze up at the sun in the morning’s twilight while resting together in the rolling waters. Sayo’s hair drifts through the water along the current and every strand is luminous with celestial beauty.)

“Sayo, can you keep that thing quiet?”

“I never much cared for it.”

“Me neither. Why stick to a script? We’re free to do whatever we want.”

“I wonder how Hina is doing… Not that she needs to be the devil to have that freedom.”

“And my Aya. I’m sure she’s getting lonely.”

“I thought you didn’t have friends.”

“That mouth spoke so many lies, I’m amazed we even got this far. I was actively trying to sabotage us up until you reached out.”

“Fufu… I’m good for something after all.”

“Lots of things.” (Chisato places fifteen tendrils on Sayo’s cheek, holding the shining figure still so she can give her a kiss on the lips.) “Maybe you could try guitar now.”

“With what hands?” (Sayo asks.)

“That’s the fun part of being a monster. You can have as few or as many hands as you like and there’s no limitations like bones to stop you from moving how you want.”

“I suppose I have much to learn, then. Fufu.”

“Fufu. Your laugh is so adorable, Sayo. I’m sad it took me this long to hear it.”

“You’ll be hearing it a lot from now on. We’re together, after all.”

“Others might join us eventually. Once they see how wonderful it is.”

“I want you all to myself, though,” (Sayo says.)

“Since when did you get so selfish? I feel the same, though.”

(Sayo’s eyelids close with a gentle flick of light. The shadow that is Chisato rests her entire self around her body.) “We can worry about others later. For now, let’s enjoy this.”

**Author's Note:**

> so some time ago i read a [fire emblem: three houses fanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23335801) that used wktd AU and it made me really, really want to try exploring that sort of thing for myself. i (along with some other friends) have been working on various drafts that tried to utilize the themes with a setting heavily inspired by that game, and this is the first of possibly multiple works with that setting as a basis.
> 
> huge thanks to [TheShinySword](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShinySword/) and [silversilky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversilky/pseuds/silversilky) for helping beta and brainstorm. huge thanks to that FE3H fic for the inspiraton. and huge thanks to Worst Girls Games for [We Know The Devil](https://pillowfight.itch.io/we-know-the-devil), one of my favorite pieces of fiction out there. i highly recommend [checking it out](https://store.steampowered.com/app/435300/We_Know_the_Devil/).


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